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Playelder: How to Hoodwink God [31 Mar 2010|12:01am]
Howdy all—please let me introduce myself. I’ve been lurking and occasionally commenting in this community for some time now, but since I’m not Mormon, and never was, I’m not sure I’m qualified to post here. I grew up in Ogden, however, and went to graduate school at the “U”, and so I can claim 20 years of Utah residency. For that reason, and because I managed to escape from behind the Zion Curtain, I can relate pretty well to the experiences and perceptions of the true ex-Mormons.

But I’m not posting to tell you about my own travails with the Church and its followers (though I have a story or two that would fit here). I would like to introduce the younger folks, at least, to the hilarious stories of Playelder, an ex-Mormon who blogged about his experiences in the Church and its culture before blogs even existed. He posted his classic tales, and bravely battled trolling Mormon apologists, in the Usenet newsgroup alt.recovery.mormonism during the late 90s. Many of you have probably heard of him, but I couldn’t find any references in exmormon, so I figured that enough people hadn’t to justify posting some of his Usenet posts here. His best work cannot be found on the Net by the usual means; I had to plumb the Wayback Machine to find my favorite stories.

I have here Playelder’s best, and perhaps first, anecdote from his LDS days. If this one is well received, I’ll periodically clean up and present some more. I pieced the version below from two sources: the original 1998 text, now available at exmormon.org; and a much cleaner 2006 revision, which, sadly, is missing the punchline. (The latter appears at the top of a huge, jumbled mass of Playelder works. The page format renders them nearly unreadable.) I originally posted it to my own LJ, after considerable discussion on the Mormon missionary program. (Condensed version: I oppose it.)

For the benefit of any other never-Mormons reading this, I added footnotes explaining some of the Mormon lingo that may be unfamiliar to the uninitiated. (Please let me know if I got anything wrong.)

As I said in my LJ, I hope that Playelder forgives me for copying this delightful story here, and that he understands the necessity to preserve it so that Mormons, and especially potential Mormon initiates, may read his words of wisdom and be enlightened.

How I Stayed Domestic (or, God Bless America!), by PlayelderCollapse )
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