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Haven't been here in a while [27 Aug 2007|03:18am]
I am moving to Seattle in two and a half weeks. My dad is coming up from Mesa, Arizona, to help me move.

I left the church about eight years ago (officially, it was a long time coming and was more or less in effect in my own mind for a good year or so before hand). My dad was the bishop in our ward at the time. He didn't know what to do about it at the time. My announcement that I was leaving the church was delivered alongside the revelation that the "therapy" I had underwent four years earlier with an LDS social services counselor had been "ineffective" and that while I no longer considered myself a young man dealing with a problem of same-sex attraction, I was however gay.

I was 22 years old. The lead-up to that day, and even a long time after it, knew a lot of really hard times for me. A lot of fear, a lot of anger, a lot of confusion and misunderstanding.

My dad is not a bad person. He is really stubborn, he is very conservative, and he's a typical mormon dad, the kind that they make bishop two or three times during his life.

But he's helping me move. Helping me move in with my boyfriend. Helping me move in with my boyfriend who was raised...brace for the shock...IN THE RLDS CHURCH! I really don't know what my dad is going to find harder to deal with, the fact that I'm a sodomite, or that I'm going to be sleeping with somebody whose parents are practicing RLDS!

Anyway, for all the really awful feelings and experiences I've had, it's always nice to have something positive to look at. My dad doesn't have to do this, I don't really need his help. I mean, he's 63 years old and a good 100 pounds over weight, and I don't have so much furniture that I couldn't do it all with just my friends and stuff. And I'm 30. I've lived on my own for eight years. I didn't ask him to come, he offered it. He doesn't understand me, but he's trying. It's something. I never really thought I'd see this day.
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Question [27 Aug 2007|09:05pm]
[ mood | nervous ]

So, I don't usually post to communities, but I found this the other day and I feel like I can get some things off my chest here. I will probably ramble a little bit as posting to communities always makes me nervous for some reason.
First let me introduce myself. I am not and have never been a Mormon, but I have lived in Utah for far too long and my husband was an inactive member when I met him and a former member when I married him. He has three brothers and two sisters, all six of them went on missions, and all but him and one other brother are still very Mormon. As are his parents (which is where most of my frustrations lie.)

Let me mention first off that when I started dating my husband I did a lot of research on Mormonism in an effort to help him get through the process of leaving the church, and as I said I have lived in Utah for a long time, I understand how this society is. I even tried to read the Book of Mormon once in an effort to be fair in my research, but I couldn't get through it.(I opened it and started reading and a light went off in my head that I recognized the style of writing, it was like Jabberwoky, but instead of being a literary parody using almost words, it was a sad attempt to emulate archaic language. Not really relevant to my question but interesting to me at least.)

My husband and I lived together for almost two years before we got married and back then what I noticed most was the way my in-laws just ignored the fact that we were living together and (in their minds) how I horribly corrupted their son. That is exactly what I expected from them. But now that we are married they have changed their behavior and it frustrates the hell out of me. Whenever I am around them, my mother-in-law almost always thanks me for being there, tells me how glad she is that I was able to be there, thanks me for being part of their family. But whenever I try to join in their conversations with anecdotes or my non-Mormon point of view they stare at me like I'm talking nonsense, ignore whatever I had to say and continue as if I wasn't even there. I feel like now that I have finally married her son and stopped living in sin she no longer sees me as different, now I am part of her family and should act just like the rest of them.

We live in rural Utah, about 3 hours from civilization, my in-laws live in SLC and my dad lives in Ogden. When we were just living together and we would go to SLC, we always used the excuse that they would not allow us to sleep in the same room as an excuse not to stay with my in laws, and would usually stay with my dad even though it was out of the way. But now that we are married they say it would be fine for us to stay at their house because we could stay in the same room. My moral view is that there was no problem with us sleeping together before we were married and really the only thing that has changed since is that we can file joint income taxes now. I still don't want to stay with my in-laws. In my mind my relationship with my husband has not changed, she claims it has since god approves now. I don't see it that way, that is why we were married by a judge and not a minister. We got marred for finances, not god.

So, on to the question finally. Are we being unreasonable for still going an extra 45 minutes to stay with my dad? My mother-in-law thinks we are and keeps offering us to let us stay and getting offended when we don't. I don't know how to explain it to her. I have tried explaining why we got married and she says it doesn't matter why, just that we did.

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